The Secret Service scandal dealing with 11 agents hiring prostitutes in Cartagena, Colombia—before President Obama’s arrival there for the Summit of The Americas on April 14th—seems like an overused spy-movie plot.

You know, the hot girl showing half her boobs is sent to seduce a target in order to distract, get information or even kill him.  In most movies, she’s working for the “good guys,”  and usually seduces the “bad guy”  (because everybody knows that bad guys are oversexed and not that smart).  In more sophisticated movies, she might be working as a double agent or be the mission’s mastermind.  A fact that is revealed after a lot of shooting, car explosions, and sweaty sex scenes have played out in HD color and stereo surround-sound.

Fortunately, the hot girls in this real-life scenario, have not been linked to any terrorist organization or entity that could have posed a security threat to the President.  On the other hand, the good guys have turned out to be really bad.  They’re not only oversexed, they’re really, really stupid.

First, I don’t care how much you like sex.  If you are Secret Service agents out on a job, you should behave like professionals or, at the very least, like professional athletes:  NO SEX leading up to an important game mission.

Second, if you’re visiting a foreign nation and you’re going to do something that is considered illegal back in your own country, keep it, well, secret.  ABC news reports, “…eleven members of the president’s advance team allegedly bragged ‘we work for Obama’ and ‘we’re here to protect him.'” Can’t these guys take a hint from their own job title?

Third, if you’re going to hire prostitutes in a legal-prostitution zone, pay the full damn price.  The alternative is to get the police involved and have your one-night romp turn into a full-blown scandal where you will lose a lot more than the lousy $50 you were trying to save.

Yes, of course, I’m  being facetious.  What else is there to do in the face of such malpractice and incompetence by a group of people who are supposed to protect the President of the world’s #1 super power?  According to MSNBC, “Included in that group were two high-level Secret Service supervisors, three counter assault officers whose job is to repel attacks and three sniper-team members, who take to rooftops to secure areas where the president might visit.”

After hearing about this story, any dumb-ass terrorist must be tearing his hair out. Millions of dollars and countless hours have probably been spent on complex assassination plots when a few pairs of strategically-placed tits and asses could have gotten the job done.  Who would have thought it?  Luckily for us, only scriptwriters so far.